Navigating mom guilt: splitting your time between big kids and a newborn

Having a baby later in life comes with so many beautiful moments—more patience, more wisdom, and maybe even more appreciation for the journey. But if you’re welcoming a newborn while also raising older kids, you might also be feeling a little something called mom guilt.

It sneaks up on you when you’re rocking your newborn to sleep while your older kiddo tugs on your sleeve, asking for a snack or a story. It whispers in your ear when you miss a soccer game because your baby needs to nurse. And it can hit hard when you realize your firstborn is suddenly looking so grown up next to your tiny new addition.

If this sounds familiar, first—take a deep breath. You are not alone, and you are not failing. Balancing time between a newborn and older kids is a challenge, but it’s also completely doable. Let’s talk about some ways to make this transition easier, for both you and your growing family.

Photo by Erin Wilwert Photography

The Guilt is Real, But So is the Love

Mom guilt can hit in a million different ways:

• “I feel like I’m missing out on my older child’s life while I care for the baby.”

• “My newborn isn’t getting the same attention my firstborn did.”

• “Am I giving either of them enough of me?”

Here’s the truth: You are enough. Your love is not a limited resource—it expands. And while it might not always feel like you’re splitting your time equally, what really matters is that both of your children feel loved, safe, and secure.

Will some days be messy? Oh, absolutely. But that’s part of the journey.

Ways to Balance Time Between Your Kids

1. Involve the Older Siblings

One of the best ways to make your older child feel included is to give them a role in caring for the baby. Depending on their age, they can:

• Help with diaper changes by grabbing wipes or a fresh onesie.

• “Read” to the baby while you nurse or rock them.

• Sing lullabies or talk to their new sibling to help soothe them.

Giving them a sense of responsibility can help them feel important rather than pushed aside. Plus, it’s heart-meltingly sweet to watch that sibling bond grow.

2. Set Aside One-on-One Time

Yes, you have a newborn who needs a lot of you right now. But your older child still needs their mom, too. Find small pockets of time to focus just on them.

• Bedtime stories – Even if your newborn is in your lap, taking 10 minutes to read with your older kiddo can make a world of difference.

• Special outings – A quick ice cream run, a trip to the park, or even just a solo grocery store run can be quality bonding time.

• Screen-free cuddles – Put the phone away, turn off the TV, and just talk to your big kid about their world for a little bit.

It doesn’t have to be hours of undivided attention—just enough to remind them that they’re still your baby, too.

3. Let Go of Perfection

Spoiler alert: You’re not going to do this perfectly. And that’s okay!

Your house might be a little messier, your meal planning might be very last-minute, and your kids might get more screen time than usual. Give yourself permission to not be supermom every second of the day.

What your kids will remember isn’t whether the laundry was folded or if dinner was homemade. They’ll remember how they felt—loved, safe, and happy.

Photo by Erin Wilwert Photography

4. Ask for Help (and Actually Accept It!)

If someone offers to help—take it.

• Let Grandma or a friend take your older kiddo out for a special adventure.

• Accept that neighbor’s offer to bring over a meal.

• If you have a partner, lean on them. They are just as much a parent as you are.

Asking for help doesn’t mean you can’t handle it all. It means you recognize that you shouldn’t have to.

5. Remember, This is Just a Season

Right now, it might feel like you’ll never get the balance right. Like you’ll always be bouncing between a crying baby and a kid who just wants to play one more round of “Go Fish.”

But soon enough, your baby will be sleeping through the night, your older child will adjust to their new role, and you’ll find your rhythm.

The chaos won’t last forever—but the love and memories will.

Capturing the Moments That Matter

One day, you’re going to look back and miss these messy, wonderful days. The tiny newborn fingers curled around yours. The way your older child kisses their sibling’s forehead when they think you’re not looking. The way your heart somehow stretched to love them both beyond measure.

And trust me, you’ll want to remember it all.

That’s where I come in. As a newborn photographer in Charlotte, NC, I specialize in capturing the fleeting newborn days and those sweet sibling moments that will make your heart melt. My sessions are relaxed, stress-free, and designed to showcase the love that makes your family yours.

So whether you’re celebrating a brand-new baby or capturing every milestone of that magical first year, let’s make sure these moments don’t slip away. Because one day, you’ll be so grateful you pressed pause and preserved them forever.

Book your newborn or milestone session today with Erin Wilwert Photography! Because time flies—but these memories don’t have to.

You’ve Got This, Mama

Balancing time between a newborn and older kids isn’t easy, but it is possible. You’re doing better than you think, and your kids love you just the way you are—imperfect, tired, and all.

So take a deep breath, give yourself some grace, and know that you are exactly the mom your kids need.